Floodlighting in Dating: Oversharing to Create False Intimacy
In recent years, the world of online dating has undergone a significant transformation. With the rise of social media and the increasing acceptance of online relationships, people are more open than ever to sharing their personal lives with potential partners. However, this newfound openness has given rise to a dangerous trend that can leave individuals feeling manipulated and vulnerable: floodlighting.
Floodlighting is a term used to describe the act of sharing deeply personal and often traumatic experiences with someone you barely know. This can include sharing stories of past abuse, mental health struggles, or other sensitive topics. According to Jessica Alderson, co-founder of So Synced, floodlighting is often an attempt to create a false sense of closeness or intimacy with someone.
In an interview with News Karnataka, Alderson explained that floodlighting can be a calculated move by emotional tricksters who use vulnerability as a means to gain emotional leverage over their partners. “When someone shares their deepest secrets with you, it’s natural to feel a strong emotional connection. But what’s important to remember is that this connection is often artificially created and can be used to control or manipulate the other person,” she said.
So, why do people engage in floodlighting? According to Alderson, it’s often a way to test boundaries and see how someone reacts to sensitive information. “Floodlighters want to know how much they can get away with and how much emotional investment they can extract from their partner. It’s a way for them to gauge how much power they have over the other person,” she explained.
But how common is floodlighting in modern dating? Unfortunately, it’s more prevalent than you might think. A recent survey conducted by So Synced found that nearly 70% of online daters have been bombarded with personal stories and secrets by someone they barely know. And, alarmingly, 40% of those surveyed reported feeling manipulated or used by the experience.
So, what can you do to avoid falling prey to floodlighting? The first step is to be aware of the signs. If someone is sharing too much, too soon, it may be a red flag. Additionally, be cautious of those who use emotional manipulation to get what they want. “If someone is pressuring you to share your deepest secrets or making you feel guilty for not opening up, it’s a clear sign that they’re not looking for a genuine connection,” said Alderson.
Another important step is to prioritize self-awareness. “It’s essential to recognize your own emotional triggers and boundaries. Don’t feel pressured to share more than you’re comfortable with, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries,” advised Alderson.
Finally, remember that true intimacy is built on trust, respect, and mutual vulnerability. Floodlighting may create a false sense of closeness, but it’s not a substitute for genuine emotional connection. “In a healthy relationship, intimacy is built on a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication. Floodlighting is the opposite of that – it’s a manipulative tactic designed to create a false sense of intimacy,” said Alderson.
In conclusion, floodlighting is a dangerous and manipulative trend in modern dating. By being aware of the signs, prioritizing self-awareness, and building genuine connections with others, you can avoid falling prey to this toxic behavior. Remember, true intimacy is built on trust, respect, and mutual vulnerability – not on sharing personal secrets with someone you barely know.
